Watch Out Kindergarten!

Well it is that time of year again! Actually it's that time of year for us, for the first time ever! SCHOOL!!! We had Lilly's orientation last night and it was wonderful! She got to take a good look around her new room, meet some new friends, see her name tag and cubby...she loved all of it. It was a bit overwhelming for me, mentally and emotionally, but still very exciting. So after it was all over, we went home to prepare her lunch and off to bed. She just kept re-peating, "I can't believe tomorrow is school mom!" She walked around all evening with a bounce in her step and the biggest smile I have ever seen on her face.  So we prepared our lunches and off to bed we went. I tucked her in, pulled her blanket up to her chin, kissed her goodnight and then we prayed. I prayed for her safety, her emotions, her mental state, her nerves, for a great day, new friends, new things, ...and right about the middle she broke down in tears. I had the biggest lump in my throat that I think I have ever had and holding back the tears so that she would not see them was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I didn't want her to see any sadness from me, I wanted her to always know that I was excited and happy for this new chapter in her life. So when we were done I comforted my little girl and told her how great she would be, how everyone would love her, how smart, funny and what a great smile she has for everyone to see. Things were all good after that. We went to bed in peace and that was all I could hope for at that moment.  I looked down at her and thought to myself, yeah I can do this I feel good right now, tomorrow won't be a problem for me!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Who was I fooling?!?!?!?!

6:30 comes awfully early to a 5 year old who probably hasn't gotten up at that hour since she was breastfed! She had no problems getting up though. All I had to do was rub her back and whisper, "it's time fro school Lilly. It is our first day of Kindergarten!" She rolled over, opened her eyes, and was all smiles! Not a twinkle of fear in her eyes, only excitement and anticipation. On the other hand, if she could read my eyes she would see, fear-for her safety, sadness-for her leaving me&daring to grow up, joy-for her excitement and, hope-for the beginning of many things, nervousness-that SOMETHING might go wrong, PRIDE-for the young lady she is becoming.

She practically ran me over to get out of bed, saying "Mom I can't believe I am going to school today! I am so excited!" lol Straight to the kitchen we headed  where she decided on chocolate chip pancakes and orange juice for her first school breakfast! This girl was all laughs, all morning. I was so glad to see she wasn't a bundle of nerves, like her mommy.

We had already packed our lunch the previous night so it was off to do hair and get dressed. Each step Lilly took that morning my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't believe this was happening, myself. Where had the past 5 1/2 years gone? Where was the baby I rocked to sleep int he middle of the night after feedings, where was the little girl who truly meant what "I like" meant as she was watching the weather channel saying "I liKKKe (hard K sound) purple. I liKKKe red. I liKKKe red......" where was the little girl who used to hang on every word that came out of her Papa's mouth as if it were pure gold, where was the little girl who would run into my arms for every tiny scratch....She was there, still standing in front of me, packing her book bag now for her first day of school. She is growing up too fast for me. I remember snuggling her as a baby, thinking to myself how long 5 years is, until i would have to worry about sending her to school. But now I look back and think geesh, it's already been 5 years!!

Dressed and ready to go we went outside to take pictures. she is such a smart, funny, beautiful little girl! I am so blessed to be her mom. I was so overwhelmed with pride as I stood there watching my precious girl pose getting ready to make this huge world she already knows even BIGGER! I could not be more proud of the person she is becoming- loving, kind, considerate, eager to learn about God, wanting to live for HIM, smart, witty, everything and more that a mother could want her child to be.

Not one tear was shed, on her part! She seemed a bit nervous once we got into the building, and asked if I was going to walk into her classroom with her. Of course I said! But her teacher was great, had a big smile on her face, crafts set out for them to start on...It was wonderful. Lilly sat down and started crafting. She seemed fine, in fact a little to fine fro my liking lol. It wasn't her at all who had the issue with leaving, it was me!!!!! I must have said to her like 5 times that I was getting ready to go, and she just  kept replying "ok." Lol I stayed there fro about 10 minutes, just watching her and thinking to myself, how am I going to leave her? I knew I had to go, I didn't want to make this hard for her and since she wasn't having a breakdown of any sorts this was as good as time as ever to leave. I kissed her little lips, told her how much I loved her and to have the best day ever and turned my back.

I wasn't even out the door before the tears just started coming and wouldn't stop. IT was the hardest thing I have ever had to do with her. I wasn't just sending her off to school. It is so much more than that. I am ultimately putting my pumpkin in the hands of strangers and trusting them 110% with her. Trusting they will protect her, lead her, teach her the ways of the Lord, guide her, help her, correct her when she is wrong, comfort her, laugh with her, ...everything that I now cannot do with her all day. That's scary!

Oh begin the the true times of worrying as a parent now! This face of an angel is all I think about from 8 am until 3 pm everyday! I already miss the annoying questions and constant bickering between her and Van. lol  Cheers to the next 13 years!